Pat Robertson advises a woman that men tend to wander and she should remember why they got married in the first place to get over the affair. First, people, kill, steal, cheat, and lie and we should allow it because humans are weak? Or we should have so much physical security that it’s impossible to get away with anything and we no longer even need personal morality as it’s physically impossible to be immoral? With the technology we have now we could continue and set up a police state which is so safe we could eliminate the words integrity, character, and free will (what little we have) from the dictionary. Sorry, getting carried away, distracted.

Why do religious people play psychiatrists and counselors with bronze-age therapy when they aren’t trained in any way. Would you take your car problems to your doctor? Why can’t we normalize professional therapy so people can actually get better?

Philandering is not the male domain. The only reason we hear about male philandering is because men can get away with it. Indeed, many consider male conquest normative as our boy Pat says, or even worthy of praise because it shows older, stupid men still have it–they still got the power, baby. Women don’t have quite as many affairs as men but nearly as many (and that’s changing). They just keep it quiet. Farrah Fawcett had a ten-year affair and Ryan O’Neal refused to admit it was possible. We think we can tell when people lie and yet we can’t, at least not significantly enough to matter.

When women have the freedom and exposure to express themselves, as in a moral, modern society, they evidence the lack of monogamy as typical to human primates. It’s both genders Pat–some woman has to say yes to the man and repeats don’t account for it.

Robertson has also said slatternly women are the problem and they should keep their appearances. He has also said before women should be more aggressive in sexiualizing their man. And forgive, remember the man makes the money, buys the clothes, and takes the kids to sports events.

Oh, yeah, it’s also true that women like sex and many men don’t like it as much as their female partners. Who’d athunk it. Both sides have problems getting it up or wanting to.

The anachronistic Robertson is a living relic of an age that blamed women for social ills. In this country domestic abuse is 10-20%. In non industrialized nations like Ethiopia and Jordan, 80-90% of women think the man should be able to beat them. The great dividing line in Arab countries are the marks aren’t supposed to show–if you don’t pop a blood vessel it’s OK. Americans are learning this as well since the advice now is to  not mark your spouse or kid or the doctor, nurse, cop, or social worker will spot it and call more cops. And we thought Islam wasn’t as advanced as us.

Jim Newman, bright and well

www.frontiersofreason.com

Monogamy Is UnNatural

Six daughters, most of whom want to get married someday.  Their father, that’s me – doesn’t want to see it.  At least not yet.  I have been down that road and have been happily married three fucking times.  Each time with the intentions of a long lasting (forever) relationship and commitment.

So what happened?  Didn’t I love them?  Didn’t I realize the value, the friendship, the tax benefits?  Yes, of course.  But, basic human (animal) desires is what happened.

Societal Pressure and Indoctrination

From the time we are children we are bombarded with the “happily every afters”.  A constant barrage of movies, shows, stories, teachings and ideas, all preparing us for adulthood, specifically marriage.  There is an entire industry around it.  My Mormon parents would often say, “You want to be worthy of your future wife.  You don’t want to miss out on her because you didn’t keep your self chaste.”

My sisters and brothers got the same shit.  Mormons are “Big On Family”.  Well of course they are.  It’s the best way to insure future tithe payers and to appeal to the Christian masses as ‘one of them’.

You don’t even have to be Mormon, the pressures and lessons learned growing up all encourage marriage, hell our own government rewards you for it while punishing those who aren’t.  The hell you say!  Yes, the IRS tax code includes benefits for married tax payers.  If you aren’t married you will pay more per dollar and hence are being punished.

It’s worse for girls, they are inundated with advertisements and media that indoctrinates them with fallacious concepts of marriage.   Some of the “Top Movies” the blockbusters are marriage related every year.  All about the happy ever after.  Selling a pipe dream.

53% Of Marriages FAIL

It’s no wonder either.  Recent statistics* show that 57% of men admit to having an affair and 54% of women admit the same.  Holy shit!  But why?  Why can’t a man remain faithful and why are the numbers so high for infidelity with women?

I believe it’s because we are not naturally monogamous   It’s not in our DNA.  Society has, due to religion created this requirement that we be married.

With most of Christianity, it’s immoral to have sex outside of wedlock.  Those morals have seeped into society at large and we now consist of a mass of ignorance, all attempting to be moral, all attempting to remain faithful in our relationships while every fiber of our being is opposed.

Religion was smart, they took one of the strongest instincts of man, made it a sin and created some exceptional rules – but fear not, they also have the cure.

Exceptions

I know some of you are shaking your heads in disagreement.  You think that if it’s true love, you won’t cheat or if you are truly committed, you won’t cheat.  I call bullshit!  Yes, there are some that will fight the urges to the point that they destroy whatever self respect they have for themselves, yes I know some men that won’t cheat, haven’t cheated but at the same time are probably miserable.

We are not designed (as in designed by evolution) to be monogamous.  I called bullshit earlier.  Let me explain.  I have been madly in love, die for my wife, work my ass off for my family, give everything I have and am to their safety and wellbeing – and at the same time; If some beautiful lady invited me to bed I would have leaped tall buildings to get to her.

I was truly in love, I was committed.  But those natural basic instincts, those sexual desires – superseded my commitments.  It was only once I got older and my testosterone levels dropped was I able to resist.

The Shift

I see it like this; as a young adult I wanted marriage.  I wanted a friend, a reliable source for sex and a family.  I was conditioned to be this way as I believe most of us are.

What I understand now is that I’m not some sicko who didn’t love his wife and children.  I wasn’t going to hell for my thoughts about the next door neighbor or the time I went into the massage parlor and had the happy ending.  I was human, with human instincts and drives.  Enate in me was a desire for reproduction and sexual gratification.

Controlling this to the point that would prevent infidelity seemed imposible and is what destroyed my fist marriage.

Should have never been married?

Looking back some 20+ years I’m not sure.  I still remember desiring the companionship and friendship that marriage provided.  Had society not held marriage in such high regard and the church’s teachings not been so demanding, maybe I would have married someone that I could’ve been honest with or not at all.

A Rock and a Hard Place

Both males and females display jealousy, both want fidelity in marriage and in relationships.  Why then do we all have biological urges that are counterintuitive with monogamy, why do we have enate desires for our partners to be faithful?

It has been said that women don’t have near the sex drive as men, even some studies exist that reflect this as fact.  Yet the infidelity statistics show that 70% of males and females in a marriage would cheat if they knew they could get away with it.

Proverbial rock meets hard place.

NEW PUSSY

Why do the males desire new partners, if only briefly?  Again, it’s biological, it’s enate – coded into our DNA we desire to promulgate our genes.  We can impress the “moral society” with cheap rhetoric about how we would never cheat, how we would never sleep with our neighbors wife or the cute blonde that runs the bakery at Wal-mart.  But it’s bullshit.  If given the opportunity, knowing we won’t get caught – 74% will and females, you aren’t much less at 68%.

Females may have a different set motivators behind their infidelity including compassion, feeling needed etc… while men are just in it for the instant release.

Back to my damn offspring

I’ve got one daughter currently with a dip shit.  He is cocky and arrogant and in no way desires a long term relationship while giving lip service to the contrary.  My daughter, insecure and emotional will put up with almost anything to avoid the loss.  Due mainly to my batshit crazy teachings as a child that confirmed the same moral ethics of marriage as society does.

To secure her relationship with the aforementioned dip shit, she intentionally gets pregnant.  Because we all know that a child will insure against and bolster a rocky relationship.

So now with a new born she continues to cry and complain out Mr. Dip Shit, almost daily.  She’s miserable and just wants “him to love me.”  Oh, and the baby didn’t work?  Go figure, I though for sure that your unstable, disaster of a relationship would surely be cured by bringing a child in to the picture.

Fuck me!  Of course I’m not nearly as sarcastic with her, but it’s what I want to say.  I tell her now that she is welcome to leave him at anytime, “but I love him”.  No, you are in love with a idea, a stupid fucking retarded idea that will only serve to cause you more hurt.  ”But if we get married, that will help and moving away will help.”  Yes almost as much as having a baby with him.

This doesn’t get better.  I can reason and use logic with her and she only attempts to find a solution that doesn’t involve leaving him.  I know because I’ve been there and you have to, I’m almost positive; but eventually it will end.  She will move on to the next testosterone filled man and all will be great, for a little while.

She will be more on guard the next time and most likely become overbearing and very jealous.  This will strain the new relationship and ultimately lead to collapse or give him a self excused right to cheat being as he probably already is being accused.

Slow Motion

All the while, her mom and I get to watch each horrid experience.  We’ll hurt when she hurts and celebrate when she’s happy.  It’s like being forced to watch a very bad car accident in slow motion.  You know the outcome, you know where it leads and you are  useless in preventing it.

Remember, I have six daughters. Oh joy!  One is married and doing well, she is much more secure with herself.  One that is still a teen and 2 more that really love the whole embrace your sexuality, there is no sin, nobody is watching you from the heavens as you masturbate or sleep with multiple partners.  The final one is a 2x born again Christian, she loves Jesus and won’t even talk to her heretic father.

What is the solution?

• Educate children that mariage is not some sacred institution in which to aspire
• End religious indoctrination to the contrary
• Teach that sin is non-existant
• Encourage education to the extreme, this bolsters ones self esteem and identity (it will serve to end the many girls and women who derive their esteem and their identity from their marriage/relationships.
• Encourage independence
• Educate all about safe sex

Not really

It doesn’t solve it all, it doesn’t prevent the enate desire of many who want lots of new partners and at the same time wanting a safe, secure and mutually rewarding relationship.  Monogamy is unnatural.

There is a book, a fantastic book that talks about people in some areas of the world where there is no idea of marriage.  Women are free to partner with more than one man, free to love all or one.  Men are granted the same.  They know not of sin or jealous monogamous relationships.

Their villages are free from dogmatic sexual restrictive codes.  They respect one another and love who they will.  It’s almost euphoric to think that could exist.  It gives credence to the monogamy isn’t natural arguments.

The book is called Sex and God and is available about anywhere.  Good prices at Amazon and the author is Darrell Ray.

My advice to my daughters now is to make yourself happy, date many men, enjoy the lessons learned, don’t feel obligated or pressured into marriage, don’t force a relationship and remember…

Most men will cheat.  Regardless of how much he does or says, most men if given the opportunity will cheat.  This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and want you still, but we men are inherently flawed for monogamous relationships.

We can change and many do.  Many men get to a point as I have that my value of the friendship, the value of the partnership is much more important than that next vagina.  This is mainly due to the changes biologically.

Be honest with yourself and with your partner always and they may accept you as you are.  It’s a rough road for the time being, it will take many bumps and bruises before you have experienced enough to look back and recognize the enormous flaw in the entire concept.

What are your views?  What would you tell your young adult daughters?

Cristina Rad has a great video on rape in Islam. First she notes that it is getting less politically correct to bash Islam on Youtube and then she notes there are conservative groups that bash Islam but their true hatred is racism of people who are brown.

She quotes a radical moderate that insists, using one verse, that “men are not allowed to inherit women against their will” and hence if you truly believe you won’t force women to do anything. Rad shows this phrase is in the context of dead relatives; it is not about rape in general but within the family. She then quotes the Koran allowing the rape of captives and then shows a video stating the Mohammed said a women must not refuse a man in the bed even if she is  by the stove. He then states that husband can never rape a wife by definition.

She follows up with a quote where Mohammed says women are fields which can be seeded by men as they will. Men can legally rape their wives. Most of us have heard that Muslims must follow the conduct of Mohammed. He married a 6 year old and consummated it at 9 or 10. Liberals and conservatives alike claim that early marriage was more the norm. They also quote how girls come to first menstruation more early in modern industrialized society, which means a 9 year old was far more likely to be prepubescent. Any society, old or recent, that cares for women and babies knows you should not have sex and you should not have children when you first have biological capability. Not to mention the horrors of a women having to submit to a husband generally and the utter power differential of a child versus an adult.

Jim Newman, bright and well

www.frontiersofreason.com

-Bridget R. Gaudette

Unfortunately, the Jehovah’s Witnesses have had a bit of trouble determining whether or not “rape” is fornication and therefore grounds for excommunication (what they call disfellowshipping). In their secret elder’s manual, “Shepherd the Flock of God” published in 2010, they explain that simply being raped isn’t even enough. They start off sounding reasonable, “One who was raped would not be guilty of pornei’a (aka fornication)”. Good, but then they go on to disappoint me, “discernment is needed in considering claims of rape, taking into consideration such factors as mental disposition of the person, the circumstance that led up to the incident and delay in reporting.” So, I suppose if she is mentally unstable and raped.. or if she was flirtatious and raped.. or if she waited a month to report the rape that she might still be disfellowshipped? I know claims of rape can be false but that’s rare. Either way, the average person believes (minus some Republican politicians) that if a person is raped, it matters not what her mental disposition was or how long she waited to report it. Rape is rape.

So now for a history lesson the JW view of legitimate rape:

In the first mention of this subject that I could find in one of their religious magazines The Watchtower, the JWs considered not screaming during a rape, fornication. The quote is as follows, “But suppose the man had a weapon and threatened to kill the girl? These scriptures [Deuteronomy 22: 23-27] do not weaken the argument or alter the situation by citing any circumstance that would justify her in not screaming. It plainly says she should scream, hence, oppose the attack regardless of the circumstances.” They ignore the fact that rape victims often freeze during the act. They go on to say that Christians should “’flee from fornication’ (1 Cor. 6:18). Thus if a Christian woman does not cry out and does not put forth every effort to flee, she would be viewed as consenting to the violation.” Wait for it: “There would be shame [for] having been coerced into breaking God’s law by having sex connections with one other than a legal marriage mate. Not only that, but she might become an unwed mother.” No, dear readers, this wasn’t written in the middle ages, this was in the 1/15/64.

Oh wait, would you like to some victim blaming? “The fact that over 15,000 women a year, about one every half hour, are raped in the United States […] serves as a warning to women that they should exercise care so as to avoid dangerous situations”… like being alone or being alone in the dark! Lesson: you know you might be raped, so don’t go out alone, if you do, then it’s kind of your fault that so many of you get raped. (By the way, 85-90% of sexual assaults take place between people who know one another, not in dark alleys by strangers). “For a Christian woman to persist in going out alone […] where women are frequently attacked is to invite trouble”. OMFG.

Victim Blaming 101. 

Okay.. the above was in 1964.. surely they got more enlightened…

In 1968 in the June 1 Watchtower pp 345-50 it is reaffirmed that “As a Christian you are under obligation to resist”. Yes, “obligation”. But what exactly does resisting entail? “This resistance includes screaming and creating as much disturbance as possible to try to frighten off the attacker […] So by no means would it be proper to quietly submit to rape, as that would be consenting to fornication”. Again, this ignores the fact that some people freeze when raped or the age of the victim. But what if they have a gun on you? “You have no guarantee that if you meekly submit, your assailant will not kill you anyhow.” WTF? “Christian women are wise if they do all they can to avoid making themselves targets for rapists”. Thanks for the advice Watchtower.

But, confusion sets in because.. in the JW book,  Aid to Bible Understanding, p 1371, 601 (1969 +1971 ed) they say “Rape is defined as unlawful sexual intercourse without the woman’s consent, effected by force, duress, intimidation…” and “Fornication is sex relations by mutual agreement between two persons not married to each other.” The unfortunate thing is that their idea of  “consent” means not screaming so even in a legitimate rape, the JWs could still see it as fornication and grounds for disfellowshipping if she didn’t cry out.

In the March 8, 1974 Awake! magazine a story involving an attempted rape is recounted. The victim said to the rapist that “if she did not scream, she would be as good as dead anyhow.” (She meant dead God’s eyes). “Also, that if she did not scream she would ruin her relationship with Jehovah God and the Christian congregation; that then she would be disfellowhiped or excommunicated from it.” Again, WTF?! This is supposedly how she reasoned with the rapist. This poor woman was led to believe that even as a victim her religious leaders would punish her for being raped!

Next, the Watchtower talks about the formation of the rapist, “Womankind must share the blame. To begin with, until the age of five or six years, the most vital period, little boys have their personalities molded largely by women, their mothers […] far too many mother have come short in this regard.” No mention of the father’s responsibilities in this. Mothers make rapists.

To end the article they advise not to hitchhike and dress immodestly.

Take what you want from this quote in the 7/8/80 Awake! magazine p. 5 and 6 titled How Most Victims React. “Often coupled with the fear is confusion and uncertainty. For example, a 19 yr old explained, ‘I never physically fought him off in any way, partly because I was frightened mostly because in my naivete I thought a girl has to do what she’s told. I was overwhelmingly confused and defenseless against the whole sudden suddenness.’  “She reacted as many others have under similar circumstances.”  “Profound terror in the face of physical threats simply renders most women helpless.” So they obvious recognize that consent or not consenting doesn’t have to be in the form of screaming or specifically saying “no”. What bothers me is that this woman had likely been influenced to believe (as many religious women do) that they are second class citizens and should do as the man says. I wonder how wives raped by their husbands are treated.

That same year they said “A Christian woman is under obligation to resist, for the issue of obedience to God’s law to flee from fornication is involved […] By no means would it be proper for her to willingly submit to being raped”. It’s obvious that they are still confused about what “rape” means.

Watchtower 3/15/83 p. 30 “What do we understand here by “fornication”? The Greek word in this text is pornei’a. “A male or female who is forcibly raped would not be guilty of porneia.” <phew> Maybe there is some hope after all.

“But the rapist is asking a person to break God’s law by committing fornication”. Huh? Are rapists that polite? In a section titled Treat Him [THE RAPIST] Respectfully The Watchtower says “The intended victim should remember that the rapist is human. No doubt there are circumstances in his life that have precipitated his behavior. So although a woman should not cower in fear and permit a rapist to intimidate her, at the same time she should treat him understandingly as a fellow human“. Wow. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. They are basically saying to take the rapist’s feelings into consideration. How about no? How could she “treat him understandingly”,  while at the same time screaming and resisting?  Isn’t  “respecting him” an undue burden for a woman to bear under those  circumstances?

Here’s a sample of the guilt trip and confusion that JW rape victims have to endure and the resulting mindset: “If I gave in and he raped me, I would eventually die and have no hope of a resurrection.” Watchtower 2/22/84 p. 25

Later that year there were several complaints about the above comments (treat the rapist with understanding) so the JWs issued a statement “For the victim to be considered guilty of fornication there would need to be proof of willing consent.” Progress? “The woman screaming would clear her from suspicion of such consent on her part”. Nope.. if you didn’t scream you’re probably still a fornicator and worthy of shunning.

Listed as one of the reasons why you should resist an attacker (Awake! 5-22-86 p. 23). “Your conscience will be clear. (Even if you are raped, you will not sacrifice your cleanliness before God).” Apparently if she did not scream/resist (a legitimate rape), then she should have a guilty conscience.

Awake! 9-22-86 p. 28 “True, the woman has to respond according to her assessment of the danger to her life.” Again, thank you for giving women permission to defend themselves.

Awake! 3-8-93 p. 5 “Myth: A rape victim bears part of the blame unless she actively resists.” I guess the JWs have a short memory; not so long before this, they perpetrated that very myth. I recall something about “silently submitting” and “inviting trouble”.

Watchtower February 2003, pp. 30-31 “Why does the Bible say that a person should scream when threatened with rape? [… the Bible] offers counsel on what one should do when threatened with rape”. The article then goes on to quote Deuteronomy 22: 23 and 24 which says in part, “you shall take both of them [the rapist and the victim] to the gate of that town and stone them to death-the young woman because she […] did not scream for help.” The Biblical writers didn’t concern themselves with the woman’s age, her relationship to the man, what she might have said that didn’t involve screaming, what threats he might have made. She didn’t scream = consent (and therefore fornication). The Watchtower goes on to say, “Although Christians today are not under the Mosaic Law, the principles mentioned therein provide them with guidance. The above account underscores the importance of resisting and screaming for help […] even in the sad case where a woman is overpowered and raped, her struggle and screaming for help is not in vain […] despite going through the ordeal, she can still have an undefiled conscience, self-respect and the assurance that she is clean in God’s eyes”. A woman raised in a healthy environment would never even consider being a rape victim as something God would blame her for. Being raised as a JW and seeing how they have flip-flopped on the matter, however, is unhealthy and could easily lead to these types of feelings. The quote of all quotes, “In hindsight, they feel that they should have done more to prevent the incident from happening. However, instead of blaming themselves, such victims can pray to Jehovah, ask for help and have confidence in his abundant loving-kindness”. So pray to the entity that could have helped you but didn’t? Also, I’ve noted the absence of advice to seek counseling.

After this I couldn’t find any more specific statements that say not screaming while being raped is fornication or consent, but there are several times where they say that Deuteronomy 22: 23, 24 gives us insight into how God feels about rape. In this, they are essentially maintaining their archaic, victim blaming endorsement of some rapes being illegitimate and the victim being worthy of expulsion from their congregation.

Todd Akin didn’t invent the concept of “legitimate rape”, it’s been around for centuries and occasionally idiots like him bring it to the forefront. Unfortunately, high control groups like the Jehovah’s Witness talk a whole lot of shit on the matter. They don’t consider that some people freeze when being raped or for whatever reason do not scream or resist to the level that the religious leaders are comfortable with. The result would be disfellowshipping wherein all of the person’s JW friends and family are disallowed from associating with or even speaking to them. I sum up with article with questions:

How many JW women (and men and children for that matter) over the years were disfellowshipped because they did not fight the rapist or scream?

How many rapists believe that the victim not screaming means they did little to nothing wrong?

Were the victims ever advised to get counseling even when they supposedly just fornicated?

Are some victims going through life thinking that their god views them as unclean even though they were raped?

How many women were killed or injured because of screaming instead of taking the threat of death seriously?

 __________________________________

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April 17, 2012