Catholic Gimp: Illinois Priest “Accidentally” Trapped In Hand Cuffs While Wearing Bondage Mask, Calls 911

Posted by Phil Ferguson on January 11th, 2013 – 8 Comments – Posted in Uncategorized

Catholic Gimp

If you want to be a catholic gimp that is fine with me.  Do what works for you but.

Here is priest Donovan’s sad (hysterical) story….

He was all alone in the rectory having a little fun.  What does a good catholic priest do for fun you ask…. well it has nothing to do with little boys (that we know of).  He put on an orange jump suit, a leather bondage mask and hand cuffs himself.

He had to call for help….

“I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Donovan told a dispatcher during the Nov. 28 call.

They sent the police.

…when officers arrived at St. Aloysius Church at 4:45 AM on November 28, they found the priest wearing an orange jumpsuit and a “leather bondage type mask with bar in his mouth.” He was also handcuffed behind his back.

This was not his first time playing his little game but he made a mistake and he could not get the hand cuffs off…

The priest, who said he was alone, told officers that he “put himself in this configuration and does this [from] time to time.”

Oh my….kinky!

“this time he put the handcuffs on with the keyhole up instead of down,” which kept him from freeing himself…

Whoops… That is one awkward mistake.

The priest, now on leave from his post with the Diocese of Springfield, did not further detail why he placed himself in such an unorthodox “configuration.” Or maybe merciful cops chose not to memorialize his explanation in their report.

The tragedy is not that he is a “little” kinky.  The problem is that he is a member of an organization that oppresses sexuality.  However, I gave to say it is kinda stupid to do this at your office.

This guy works for bishop Thomas J. Paprocki.  My readers may remember him from some previous blog posts.  He is the “bishop” of the church we went and protested.

Paprocki was trying to change the election and had these things to say….

I am pointing out those [planks in the Democratic Party Platform] endorse intrinsic evils.

I am saying that you need to think and pray very carefully about your vote because a vote for a candidate who promotes actions or behaviors that are intrinsically evil and gravely sinful  makes you morally complicit and places the eternal salvation of your own soul in serious jeopardy.

So priest Donovan works for the guy trying to tell you who to vote for.  He thinks he can do that because he belongs to the worlds most moral organization.

The catholic gimp and his boss should resign and give back the money!

Here is the audio…

The police report…

Catolic gimp report

  1. Laura Ross says:

    Poor guy. He didn’t hurt anyone and, except for the fact that he is in a sexually repressed organization, he did absolutely nothing wrong. I hope he leaves the priesthood, for his own sanity.

  2. Apathostic says:

    All you can do is laugh.

  3. Greg Laden says:

    Is that Springfield Mass, Springfield Illinois, or Springfield Simpsons?

  4. Well, I hope he had a good time until that point. Great story, Phil.

  5. Robert Canning says:

    Perhaps he was reading Hebrews 13:3 and needed a little help in achieving the required degree of empathy. “Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them.”

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