Help! Our Son Wants To Be Atheist
via the Eagle Tribune.
A concerned parent in New Hampshire writes to their local advice column. They need help with their son. Do you have any suggestions for them?
Dear Doctor,
Recently our first child came home with an announcement. He has decided he is an atheist.
Cool. Why did the paper use the title, “wants to be atheist”. I’m sure if this young man made the effort to tell parents then his is not thinking about it – it has already happened.
He is a sophomore in high school, very bright….
Clearly!
and following our advice to speak his mind.
Yeah! Good job parents.
But we never expected this. He has always gone to church with us and seems to enjoy the youth group. Is this typical?
Not as much as we would like. Most children simply stick to their childhood indoctrination.
How do parents deal with these announcements? What happens?
Listening
Dear Listening,
Seldom a week goes by I do not hear something like this from parents.
More Great news!
It is not the end of the world.
That was last May or is it in December of 2012?
Think about it. You said it yourself. You have taught your son to think for himself and to speak his mind. What is bothering you is his tantalizing rejection of the faith of his parents.
Yes! Good job!
What is he really saying? First, he is indicating he is not you. Rarely do we mindlessly adopt the faith of our fathers.
uh… no. Many people mindlessly adopt the faith of their fathers. Just as a christian if they have read their guide book.
We craft and articulate our own version of belief.
Second, he is separating from you. This is a process. He is saying he is different and is his own person. His version of what he believes will change as he grows.
Hmmm… He is rebelling?
Third, he is working out his own definition of spirituality which is very different from religion. Dogma and creeds are religious. Assenting to them form articles of faith but, in my opinion, are decidedly different from spirituality. Spirituality is an appreciation of the Immensity, Awe and the Holy itself.
What? Where did the spirituality come from? Is there more to the original letter or is this guy starting to go off the rails?
Finally, he is a bit of an “evangelical atheist,” insisting his interpretation of the world is best for everyone! Where has he heard that before?
WTF? He informed his parents that he is an atheist and you call him evangelical? The parents took their son to church for his entire life – now that is evangelical.
Stay calm. Listen. Consult but try not to preach or control. He sounds like a fine young man.
• • •
Dr. Larry Larsen is an Andover psychologist. If you would like to ask a question or respond to one, you can email Dr. Larry Larsen at lrryllrsn@CS.com.
Feel free to tell us if Dr. Larry missed anything else. What would you tell the parents or the son?
The response started out strong, but fizzled at the end. Though maybe not in the worst possible way. Although the talk of spirituality was way off, it probably did help to placate the parents a bit. “Oh good, he’s not a nihilist, he may still care about the big things in life.” Which is probably true: the kid is likely finding his own meaning in life like any atheist would.
Atheist evangelist though? Seriously?
I’d make sure the parents understand all the common atheist misconceptions so they don’t have any ridiculous ideas about their son: he’s not evil, he’s not mad at god, he very most likely not just passing through a phase, etc. Also figure out exactly why the parents are bothered by his atheism and address those accordingly. Are they worried he’ll roast in hell? Are they disappointed he didn’t come out of their mold the way they wanted him to?
@ Overlapping….
You are right, it could have been worse. However, a great teaching moment was missed
I can’t believe this guy (Larson) is still around. He was absolutely useless when I was brought to him as a child – he should have been able to diagnose mild Asperger’s syndrome but he did not.