How Do You Protect Children From A Former Spouse That Has Joined A Batshit Crazy Church?
I need your ideas on how to protect kids from a former spouse that has gone into a new fundie religion. NOTE: This is not my family, all is well – yeah!
Names and other information are changed to protect the innocent. I will use gender neutral names because it’s not about sex.
I have a friend; let’s call him or her “Pat”. Pat used to be married to Sam. They got divorced a couple of years ago and spend almost equal time with the two kids – Riley (8) and Payton (12). Everything was going well, until Sam joined a new church. It’s one of those hard core fundie churches. They read their version of the bible literally and tell you what you have to do all of the time. Sam is now spending a lot of time trying to get the kids to join in the madness.
Pat does not want the kids to thinks the same way Sam does and is not sure how to stop it.
Here are the suggestions that I have made. Please let me know if you have any ideas to add.
1) Don’t say that Sam is stupid of batshit crazy. This may encourage to kids to pick a side. If you are the one calling names – it may not be your side.
2) DO NOT under estimate the power of the fundie church program to suck the kids into the madness. You must take action and help the kids.
3) Expose the kids to other religions. Take them to different churches when you have them on Sunday. I suggested UU, Jewish, Islam, Methodist, Catholic etc…
4) Introduce the kids to optical illusion. Classic stuff as well as videos by Richard Wiseman.
5) Buy some magic tricks. Teach them that things are not always what they appear to be.
6) Listen to Letting Go of gOd by Julia Sweeney.
7) Watch Religulous (maybe too much for young viewers?)
8 ) Rent any movies you can find about Greek and Roman mythology.
9) Encourage the kids to ask questions – lots of questions.
10) Teach them about science and the scientific method. Watch shows like “Evolution” and “The Universe”. Make sure they know how the world really works before Sam explains it fundie style.
Do you have any other ideas?
If I was in Pat’s position, I’d be worried about this too! I think you gave some great advice, especially encouraging the kids to ask questions. But I think what is more important is to then encourage them to find the answers to their own questions themselves whenever possible.
Exposing them to movies about Greek Mythology, Evolution and Religulous are great ideas, but if the “cult” gets them, this kind of thing could make them turn on Pat if they don’t learn to think for themselves. Whenever the kids ask a question, I think Pat should say something like “That’s a great question! What do you think?” or “I’m not sure. Where do you think we could find the answer to that?”
Along with teaching them to seek out their own answers, I think it’s very important to teach kids to think critically and evaluate sources of information. So, whenever Pat has the opportunity to look something up with the kids, this is a great opportunity to help them decide which sites that Google takes them to are reliable, who is really an expert and who is not, and the difference between facts and opinion.
I’d be really interested to know in a few years (and even right now) what these kids beliefs are and how they feel about Sam’s church.
Also Cosmos. It’s available for free on Hulu.
Ask them leading questions about their experiences at the church. Let them form their own conclusions.
I really wish I knew. I am in the same boat, my wife had a medical issue that scared her, and she ended up joined the MORmON church, and has proceeded to take my daughter (9yo) with her. I am now in the process of getting a divorce, and a huge custody battle. I have tried my hardest to instill some skepticism in my daughter when it comes to things the church teaches by asking her questions like: How did Noah know when he had 2 of each of the 40,000 known spider species? How much food do you think it takes to feed 2 of every kind of animal on earth for 40 days and nights?, I have also pointed out several of the not so pleasant parts of the buy-bull (smashing babies against the rocks, burning of entire cities, etc etc…)
I think she can see how the buy-bull is NOT a literal history, but she is too young to see the psychological manipulation, and lets face it, at 9yo, magic men in the sky is a cool idea!
So best of luck, and if you get any great advice, send it my way too.
It’s a difficult situation. Young minds can be susceptible to brain-washing techniques. I think Pat needs to talk to these children about what they “learned” at this church and then try to raise questions in their minds about it. Also, try to expose them to as many different points of view as possible..
I have been in the same situation. I had a joint custody agreement specifically stating religious education decisions would be made jointly. When my ex-spouse joined the cult/religion I was advised not to take the matter to court, by lawyers and friends. The result? Next year (7 years later) my son will spend a year proselytizing for the cult/religion. Nothing I said or did was ever treated with the same weight as anything mentioned by the church personnel. I watched helplessly as my son became increasingly intolerant of other races, beliefs, and sexual orientations. His respect for me eroded as he became convinced I was a deluded sinner doomed to hell. My biggest regret was not taking immediate legal action.
DOUG said: “How much food do you think it takes to feed 2 of every kind of animal on earth for 40 days and nights?”>>
DAR
Just a little nit as an aside Doug. It only “rained” for 40 days and nights. In the newer version of the flood story,
Genesis 6:9-22; 7:11-24; 8:1-5, 13-19; 9:1-17
The water comes from above and below for 150 days. Then they stay on the boat for several months after that.
Fundies have to go with the longer version because as they try to meld to differing accounts, the shorter version is contained within the longer version. So you are safe to insist on the longer version.
More here: http://www.sullivan-county.com/id2/2cs.htm
I like to ask, Did Noah take the 2,000 plus species of carpenter ants and termites aboard his wooden ark?
D.
My youngest daughter made me proud last night when she said she wants to be a scientist. This is probably due to the fact that every time she asks me a deep question I always ask her what she thinks and then tell her what I think. She has watched Carl Sagan’s “Cosmos” and Niel deGrasse Tyson’s “Origins” with me and always asks very serious questions. I hope this turns out well for the family in question.
Peer influences are sometimes a stronger way to go… camp quest for the younger one to make new friends, and generally spending more time with other skeptic families in the area with skeptic kids of similar age.
My brother got lassoed into some evangelical nuttiness but while he was a teenager I didn’t give him any grief about it, but explained my views and how and why I lost my faith and became a full blown atheist. I think it rubbed off on him. He’s more agnostic and skeptical these days.
Don’t push them away from Batshit crazy church, instead push them to topics that Batshit crazy church hates.
What I mean by this is that fundamentalist churches almost all have anti-scientific and anti-education views like Creationism. There are just short of an infinite number of science projects, kits, books, ect that are aimed at pre-teens. Kids love learning about their environment as well as the cool ‘tricks’ that can be done with chemistry and electromagnetism. At some point though, the church will give it’s monthly anti-science sermon and that will turn the kids away.